I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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