do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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