Someone shit on the floor
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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