Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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