Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
