i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
