I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
