If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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