This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
