i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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