She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
