I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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