Will you blow on my dice?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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