When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
