I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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