the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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