Don't you send me to vm
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
