it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
