There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
