oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
