I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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