I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
