May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
