Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
