O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
