stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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