I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
