would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize