If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
