if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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