do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
