Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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