I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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