Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
