Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
