I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
