Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
