Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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