so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
