I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Who died my cat blue again?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
