Sponge bath it is.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
