evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
