How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
