Too much gin, very little bucket
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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