yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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