the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
