oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We got so high we made milksteak
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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