Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
