on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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