Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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