the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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